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Ave atque vale [Apr. 16th, 2012|10:12 pm]
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It's taken a while for the words to come.

furzepig is the reason I don't LRP anymore.

No. That's not quite right.

furzepig is the reason I know I'm not a LRPer anymore.

I've known D. for a very long time. Memory* says 'The Dome' which would place it around '95 or so; bonding over LRP and web design in a virtual room pretending to be a castle in an imaginary world. I'm aware it doesn't get much geekier than that. Though she won. My webdesign was for a university. Hers was for a comics company. Orbiting around each other at games the length and breadth of England. Always having a good word to say to each other when we did.

Then, post Millenium, I stopped going to the same games that she did. Well, I stopped going to games, mostly. She was at the first NWO game, and we had a few seconds to chat - there was far too much going on to spend time on real life interactions. And the games which did have that time, I was no longer attending. She played Maelstrom, and had a whale of a time. I took up clubbing, and it was pretty good, all things considered. But we fell out of contact.

But the modern gossamer thin strand was there. D came relatively late to LiveJournal, and then there was Facebook, and the myriad ways that it's possible to keep in touch without much effort in this modern age. I'm a great believer that friendships are sustained by trivia - if you see someone infrequently, then you get to hear of the highs and the lows, but all you know of their life is the top and bottom of the sine wave. For their life to seem full to you, for it to seem real ... for that you need to know what they're having for lunch, or that they stubbed their toe. That can be by seeing them day to day in person, or online.

So, thanks to Facebook and LJ, D and I became real to each other again.

So, LRP. D. persuaded me back. "Come to Odyssey", she said. "Play a snooty Roman. Kt and Iain will be there, and some other people that you won't have seen for a very long time. It will be fun."

And it was. I think, of all the games I've played, it was one of the best. Great company, fantastic costumes, an immersive world. The weather held, the wine flowed freely, the laughter rang through the trees. There were no strops OOC (in our group, anyhow), no hardships.

And if I can come out of a game like that with no desire to return, I think it's fair to say that this is no longer my hobby.

D. gave me a gift (as did Kt, Iain, Sarah and everyone else that game). She gave me the best possible way to draw a line under something that had been a major part of my life for 10 years, and a minor (but still important) part for another 5.

That wasn't the last I saw of her, which is of course even better than the gift of a game. She was making more effort to visit London and to socialise when possible, and my work took me to Glasgow occasionally, so we'd meet up for dinner and drinks when we could. (Even though it was a 3 hour round trip for her.) I'm not sure I could tell you now what we talked about over Glaswegian sushi, but cabbages and kings were certainly involved.

And now she's gone.

Ave Atque Vale ...

By ways remote and distant waters sped,
Brother, to thy sad grave-side am I come,
That I may give the last gifts to the dead,
And vainly parley with thine ashes dumb:
Since she who now bestows and now denies
Hath taken thee, hapless brother, from mine eyes.
But lo! these gifts, the heirlooms of past years,
Are made sad things to grace thy coffin shell,
Take them, all drenchèd with a brother’s tears,
And, brother, for all time, hail and farewell!

Aubrey Beardsley, translating Catullus.

[User Picture]From: kt_peasant
2012-04-17 03:57 am (UTC)


Read this. Nothing to say, but wanted you to know.
[User Picture]From: jfs
2012-04-17 07:01 am (UTC)


Thank you - love to you.
[User Picture]From: evil_chalkie
2012-04-17 05:31 am (UTC)


Beautifully put my friend.
[User Picture]From: jfs
2012-04-17 07:03 am (UTC)


Thanks, Chalkie. Hope you're doing okay?
[User Picture]From: evil_chalkie
2012-04-18 05:30 am (UTC)


Mostly numb, to be honest. Mostly I will miss her laughter.
She also got my admiration, for living life on her terms, not bowing to convention.
Hope you are well matey
[User Picture]From: pax_draconis
2012-04-18 02:52 pm (UTC)


Thanks John. Got your message, just prefer to be incommunicado at the mo. Easier with a screen.
[User Picture]From: jfs
2012-04-18 03:07 pm (UTC)


No reply necessary sir. Just wanted you to know I was thinking of you, really.
[User Picture]From: cookwitch
2012-04-19 09:30 pm (UTC)


I did not know the lady in question, but people I care about did, and I offer you my condolences for your loss. You always share in such a beautiful way my friend.
[User Picture]From: jfs
2012-04-19 09:44 pm (UTC)


Thanks, Lisa - that's appreciated.